Parents take longer to discuss sex with kids

"Parents are a little behind the 8 ball. They underestimate their children's sexual knowledge and interest and behaviors," said Dr. Lawrence Friedman, director of adolescent medicine at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine.

Study details
In a study on parents-child talks about sex and sexuality, researchers from the University of California surveyed 141 middle-class and upper middle-class parents and their children, aged 13 to 17.

Parents and kids were surveyed separately four times in a year; at the beginning of the study, and then at three, six, and 12 months after.

They were questioned on 24 issues regarding sex and sexuality, including kissing and handholding, refusing sex, oral sex and intercourse, how women become pregnant, body changes that occur during puberty, how to use condoms and birth control etc.

None of the teens had a sexual intercourse at the beginning of the study.

Observations by the researchers
Analysis of the data revealed that more than half of the parents had not discuss sex-related topics with their kids by the time they had started genital touching and oral sex with partners.

It was found that nearly 40 percent of the teenage boys and 46 percent of the girls had already experienced sexual intercourse before their parents had given them advice on sexual intercourse or birth control.

Researchers found that 70 percent of the boys did not talk to their parents about using condom before having sex.

"More than 40 percent of adolescents are having intercourse before parents have talked to them about STD symptoms, condom use, choosing birth control and what to do if your partner refuses to use a condom," lead author Megan Beckett said. "That's a pretty large number."

Beckett is a social scientist with the Rand Corp. in Santa Monica, California.

Expert advice on when and how to talk to kids about sexuality
According to experts, the first criterion is to figure out an appropriate age to talk about sex with your kids.

To wipe off the pressure of initiating the conversation, parents should take advantage of every excuse to mention about the uneasy subject such as pregnancy in the family, or a mention of sex or sexuality on television.

Experts also recommend that parents should take up sex talks as an ongoing dialogue with their kids. It is not necessary to wind up the issue in one go. The idea is to take up the conversation in a healthy way, they said.

Parents should understand that the child will not approach them on encountering an embarrassing situation, so they will have to take the lead.

It is also important to know how much the child can absorb about the issue. After you’ve talked, "step back and ask your kids questions and pay attention to what they're interested in”, they recommend.

"It's a hard subject for many parents to broach, but the level of sexual activity in many kids has moved up in terms of initiation. It's younger," added Alan Hilfer, director of psychology at Maimonides Medical Center in New York City. "Talking about it is very helpful in terms of disease prevention, unwanted pregnancy and even issues around relationships."