Sibling age gaps and how they affect families?

By suman singh

Our journey of parenting becomes slightly more challenging when we have more than one child of our own. That is where we need to grow two lives with their own individuality and level of intelligence at the same time, with the same amount of affection and in the same house. We often find ourselves amid strange situations and then, we start questioning ourselves about our abilities as parents.

When the mother conceives the second child, many a times the seeds of sibling rivalry are sown. Sibling rivalry is all about competition and also about power struggle between the children.

Children prefer to have their parents' love and attention all to themselves, and they often display jealous feelings when a younger sibling is born.

Age gaps can play a vital role in sibling rivalry and all children experience different forms of jealousy at some age.

Research shows that the one to four years gap often produces the worst sibling rivalry, although it is the most common gap. When siblings are very close in age they're treated in a very similar manner, so disputes about whether the treatment is fair don't arise.

The problem seems to be even lesser if the gap is larger than five years, but plenty of parents report rivalry between these ages too. Each child and his/her relationship to others is totally unique and even your well-thought out plans can produce sibling-rivalry.

Sibling rivalry sometimes increases with age. Older children may only begin to show annoyance when the baby starts to be mobile and snatches their toys or starts interfering with their games. And a younger child may be jealous when her big brother or sister starts school.

You may find your children go through stages - they may be great friends at one age, then fall out all the time at another. This is quite normal.

If you think your children will never get along, it's better not to force them together. It might be better to let them have separate friends and activities.

If at all possible each child in a family should have somewhere that is all her own. If space is tight, this could be a drawer or a box - somewhere to keep private treasures.

Avoid making comparisons between your children, especially if one is receiving a lot of praise. This favoritism can make them too competitive, and may cause distress to one child if the other is constantly held up as an example.

So, the question facing us is that if there is anything called a right gap or not. Well, if we are looking for this gap, the answer is that there is no magical gap that makes life easier or better for people concerned. To be candid about the entire thing, it is not the question of the gap, it is the way the parents take it and treat it. Let the relationship evolve, don’t interfere, but just be there to help them make a wonderful relationship.

It's the quality of the relationship between parents and children that affects the child's development more than the spacing between siblings. Parents who attend to the physical and emotional needs of their children are in fact laying the foundations for good psychological health in later life.